I recently found your blog through a friend and need your advice and insight on my current situation. I am in my twenties and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for several years. We are the best of friends and have a supportive, loving, and practical relationship. We come from similar backgrounds, enjoy many of the same activities, and love eating the same foods. I can see us having a very functional and peaceful marriage in the future. However, I am at a crossroads because as much as we love and care for each other, we have more of a brother/sister relationship compared to a romantic one. There is no passion or fiery lust. We are so young and yet already settled.
Should I be happy and content with him or should I risk losing a good and stable thing for the unknown? Does romance last throughout the years? If romance is lost, is there a way to get it back?
I love him but can't help wondering if there is a greater love out there for me, someone whose soul I connect with.
-Lost in love
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If you’ve ever been at the dinner table with me during one of my soul mate spiels, you’ll know to brace yourself right now. This is something I love talking about.
There isn’t just one person out there for you. I believe in reincarnation and multiple lives and for each life and dimension your soul lives and passes through, you have the opportunity to build strong bonds and connections with other souls. On this earth, you may find yourself inexplicably drawn to certain people or meet someone you feel like you have known all your life; this isn’t just some chemical imbalance in your head—you are attracted to certain people (mind, body, and soul) because you DID know them from a past life. When souls move through their journey from one world into the next, there is an energy that pulls kindred spirits together. You could be sitting in a coffee shop one day, look up at a stranger standing in line, and your soul will say to his, “Oh there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
That being said, just because your soul has history with someone else’s doesn’t mean your physical bodies came back into this dimension as compatible partners. Your soul could be desperately in love with your uncle’s, your 80-year-old neighbor’s, your best girl friend’s…but these people do not make suitable lifelong companions for obvious reasons. What contributes to a lifelong union on this earth depends heavily on practical day-to-day stuff that keeps marriages together such as compatible physical bodies (close enough in age to produce viable offspring), family and community support, agreeable lifestyles, and congruent spiritual beliefs.
Back to your question, you need to think about what you want for yourself. There is never “settling” in life, be it in your career, your relationships, or even the lifestyle you choose to maintain. Part of being human is this unquenchable thirst to strive to be better, to live for progress, and to deplete your potential as a building block to society. There is something awesome to be said about seeing yourself being able to have a peaceful and functional marriage with your current boyfriend but you can have the same stability with someone who also challenges you to really explore and discover the untapped resilience, compassion, and strength deep inside of you. If you are with someone because your futures together seem safe and predictable, then you are doing yourself a huge disservice as you have taken the excitement and unknown out of a big part of your life.
Please don’t mistake this as encouragement to chase after torrid affairs or fleeting conquests; instead, I am urging you to make decisions based on hope rather than fear. You have other soul mates out there so it’s okay to let your boyfriend go with the promise of a deeper and more powerful relationship with someone else. Rest assured you’ll never let go of something without the universe replacing it with something tenfold.
There is nothing wrong with the unknown and you may find the best times of your life were when a lot of things were exciting and up in the air. You are young and there is still plenty of beauty to be discovered in the world and in yourself. Stay open-minded and when you find that magic combination of kindred spirit and real-world compatibility in someone, you won’t spend even a minute questioning the fate of your futures together. The answer will be YES.
As far as lust and romance goes? Lust is a physical reaction part of the mating cycle (see We Are Not Monogamous) and romance is the intentional acts of tenderness and sweetness in a relationship. Lust begins to leave a relationship as soon as you seal the deal and is probably non-existent in long-term monogamous relationships. Thankfully, you have every control with romance and it only disappears from your life if you and your partner don’t make a concerted effort to woo.
I hope this helps and in the end, the decision is yours and your gut always points you in the better direction.