Word on the street is our friend R&C is doing just fine, the takeaway lesson being that comments on a lady’s figure too early in the game is not worth the risk of possibly misrepresenting who you actually are (respectful, considerate, and only concerned with the insides of a woman…right?).
Women are quite the complicated bunch—but not beyond reason and understanding—so keep sending your questions my way and I shall demystify some of the ways our highly evolved and intricate minds work. (Ladies, feel free to offload here, too!)
Onward, I met up with an old friend from college yesterday that I haven’t seen for almost 3 years. She is pursuing her dreams of becoming a music producer and I was so inspired by her relentless determination to go after what she knows she was made to do, no matter no long the journey may take.
The only parting piece of advice I could give her was, “Well, just make sure you don’t accidentally get pregnant.
“Sure, your boobs get really large, but unproportionally so, and you’ll have deep stretch marks on them that you won’t be able to get rid of. And even if you lose all the baby weight, your stomach never quite gets its sexy sheen and bounce back and that thick and shiny hair of yours? Buh-bye!
“You will not have time for yourself and anytime you actually do make it out of the house (on the RARE occasion), all you can talk about with your friends is how you never get out of the house. Your back will ache like an old lady’s because you have to carry around your
“It takes ten minutes every time you have to explain to people how you are not a Mrs. but yes, you did have a baby. And the baby’s daddy? Yes, we did try really hard to get married but some bad things happened along the way…GGAAHH it’s just really complicated and I can’t get into it now.
“And then you’ll lose your job, become a reluctant housewife, and forever kiss goodbye your dreams of taking over the world as you spend your days mulling around and confined in a modest 2-bedroom apartment. So nice to see you again, good luck, and whatever you do, don’t have a baby.”
But then I’ll see King as he looks at me with innocent eyes, so bright and eager, as if to say, “I’m lost without you, Mama.”
And I’ll look back, my eyes puffy from lack of sleep for the past five months, and whisper, “I know, baby. I’d be pretty lost right now without you, too.”