Friday, November 19, 2010

My butt's gone a missing.

When losing too much weight after pregnancy backfires. Literally.

You may have seen HERE and HERE a glimpse of my on/off relationship with food. Some days I am completely smitten and obsessed with its deliciously nurturing qualities and other days I curse its tempting ways when I start getting that arm jiggle again from over-indulging. Like many people, I’ve lived most of my life following the “calories in/calories out” equation to stay slim and just silently held my breath for a magic pill that could one day give me the best of both gastronomy and vanity worlds. And then I found it: Childbirth.

You may have read HERE how I lost all the baby weight. Now, six months later, not only have I shed the belly flab and puffiness, I’m ten pounds skinnier than what I was before I got pregnant. HUH?!?

Some friends gush, “Wow you must have worked out sooo hard!” Um, if you count carrying around my 25-pound baby a workout, then sure! My family balks, “You don’t look healthy—eat more!” If I’m not eating, then how am I still producing gallons of breast milk? Breast milk…yes, that could be the holy grail of weight loss secrets. Perhaps in breastfeeding my son I’ve found the Mecca where gluttony peacefully co-exists with finally being able to slip into my skinny jeans. And boy does that happy place feel good.

But, and there is a butt in this story, I’ve lost my butt. Somewhat restricted by my Asian genes, I’ve never had much of a booty but at least it was there. At least it said “hi” to me each morning in the mirror and at least it cushioned my bones as I typed away in my office chair. These days, my body symmetry is so unbalanced as I’ve gained the two breast friends I’ve ever had and then it all sort of whittles down to nothing until you see my size 7 feet. My butt’s gone a missing.

Patrick hasn’t said anything about it—bless his heart—but if I were a guy, I’d totally be a butt guy. I’d take a nice apple bottom over the milk jugs any day. When other women walk into a bar, my eyes dart across the room faster than the men’s as I just unabashedly stare in awe when I see a solid behind. I can’t help it because I want THAT.

I’ve openly proclaimed if I could buy a butt, I would. But seeing as I don’t have much money, I guess I have to resort to the old-fashioned way to put some hottie into my patottie. This Thanksgiving, I’m committed to downing some serious eats because enough’s enough and I need my butt back. I hope things will start looking pretty rotund assuming the newly acquired fat cells know to go straight to the butt and nowhere else. It’s a gamble I’m willing to take.

kingcute
King just thinks Mommy is silly.

16 comments:

  1. Haha! It looks like you stole little King out of a church Nativity scene, lol. Poor little lost shepherd!

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  2. seriously i cant get over how effing beautiful king is...also i heard producing breast milk (that sounds disgusting) is a great way to lose weight.

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  3. Your baby is georgous!! You have achieved every woman's dream. We all hear of those people that lose all of the weight and more soon after giving birth...you are one of THEM :) Sorry about the butt...apparently there are some butt enhancing jeans...maybe they will help!

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  4. I used to have a nice firm butt. It was a bit bigger than I wanted, but nothing that knocked things off tables. Then I lost 35 pounds. Some came from my stomach. A tiny bit from my thighs and arms. And some from my chest.

    But the bulk of it? Right out of my butt. So now, it's bony and non-existent. Where as I would have liked that to happen to the thunder thighs I have. So I can relate, all too well.

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  5. Oh my gosh! You are so funny! I am fat and guess what? I am fat EVERYWHERE no one would want to be fat. I look like Quasimoto. Do you know who I mean? Seriously. FAT BACK AND STOMACH. No butt. No boobs. It sort of makes me cry a little. Or a lot. I try not to think about it.

    I always thought butts were cool. Especially since I am IN LOVE with all things black, and they do seem to have those in their genes.

    Wishing you a very wonderful weekend with your sweet baby boy and your sweetie who loves you with a butt or without one!

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  6. When losing too much weight after pregnancy backfires. Literally. --> this is witty!

    Hahaha, I never thought you're a butt person.

    Anyway, I guess the only way to solve the problem is eat more :D

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  7. you're a beautiful writer and a divine photographer and your baby is darn cute. for these reasons alone i'll feel bad for you about your "problem." lol happy thanksgiving and hope the booty's back soon! :)

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  8. my butt's been a missing for days, too.

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  9. I just stumbled upon your blog and I am loving it all! Keep these posts coming, lady!

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  10. @lessons and Paige - Aww thank you!

    @ZippyChix - i've heard of those jeans but i have not tried them yet. i guess it wouldn't really be cheating just as we all have that nice underwire bra, right?

    @ashley - fat distribution around the body is so arbitrary and out of our control. arg!

    @kaishon - i've always pictured you to be the most lovely woman because of your awesome blogging personality!!

    @smarla - you bet i'm eating! had my first thanksgiving dinner today!

    @galit - happy thanksgiving to you too!

    @candice - i miss you.

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  11. I WISH I had this problem. My butt refuses to get smaller. It would rather take up residence somewhere on my thighs. We're in land negotiations right now.

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  12. I guess we can't have it all... Alas!

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