Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I’m afraid of my blog.

I truly am. Really.


It’s sort of like having an intimate relationship fall apart suddenly for ambiguous reasons. And then you spend the next couple of months tiptoeing around each other afraid to make the first move lest you delve into a conversation you don’t know how to start. Or end.

I liken my blog to said friend who’s been left high and dry these past few months and I often find myself “afraid” to log in or emotionally unavailable to write and post pictures. But I think about Blog every day, wonder what Blog is up to, how Blog’s managing on his own in Internet-sphere.

You see, Blog came to me one night as I was feeling sorry for myself after being laid off by my company the day I returned to work from maternity leave. Overnight, I became a housewife and stay-at-home mom not because I chose to be those things but because I had no other choice. I was hurt, sad, angry, lost, but one look into my new baby’s eyes and I promised myself I would make the most of my time at home with him. I set out to document the lull of days spent in Mommydom and hoped in doing so, I could find some peace and beauty in a lifestyle I never knew I would or could have.

So have I reached Mommy nirvana some 11 months later? As with all things, the answer is gray and somewhere in the middle which is why it’s been much harder for me to express myself with Blog as of late. Because I am no longer that reluctant and throw fewer pity parties for myself when I miss out on a wild and crazy night out on the town with fellow 20-somethings. Because I no longer feel like I am missing out.

Thank you, readers, for being there and offering so much support and inspiration. I know I’ve gone from almost daily updates to weeks without so much a peep. I’m happiest when I write everyday and have some sort of human contact with the world that is swirling fast around me. And you offer that to me.

Blog, I’m afraid of you because I don’t know what to say. I can’t be honest when right now I don’t know exactly how I feel about things in my life or what can transpire from this adventure I’ve set out with you. Please pardon a few more months of reckless intermittence.

Sorry.

13 comments:

  1. Missy, we are always here for you.

    -L.K.

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  2. It's always nice to see an Artemis post in my Google Reader :) You look well!

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  3. Oh, Artemis. I completely empathize with blog ennui. I am happiest too when I am writing and posting photos everyday, but I have gone through phases lately where I have no idea why and for whom I am putting in so much effort. Ah well, I guess we don't have to know right now. I'm glad you're tossing us a bone once in a while though! And also, you and the babe are so cute.

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  4. :) A smile first. Second, I think of your blog and you and yes I miss reading from you. However, I can say I am experiencing similar mixed emotions about my blog (on numerous occasions though I have said I will stop writing all together), so you are not alone at aaaaaaaaaaaaall. And I will write you a message soon when things are a bit quiet for me. Thanks for writing here, it's absolutely great to hear from you :)

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  5. Artemis very important to own the blog not let it own you. Take a break when needed and come back refreshed with a new perpective.

    Alex

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  6. Your silence speaks louder than your words. And your life is more important than your blog. For some reason I'm always thinking of you and I wish you well, for many reasons. We'll be here when you get back, no worries. The question is - will the ones you love the most be there?

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  7. take a break first :) we'll just be here :)

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  8. LOOK at that big boy!! I miss seeing pictures of him :). Israel just turned 1 on Saturday, when King turned 11 months right? Time flies when you're havin' fun. Miss you in the blogosphere, but I'm pretty absent on mine myself. This post describes exactly how I feel about my blog too..lol. Can't wait til you're back blogging regularly again. I think we're due for a Making of King chapter? :) Hugs!!

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  9. Awwww.... you two are sooo cute :) And while you take a break, we'll all still be here for you. I understand about the blog thing a little and have been feeling like I've been ignoring my followers. Not only that, but I haven't been getting online to check theirs. I don't really write things on mine anymore I just share pictures. I'm in this funk. One day I'll get back into the grove and I must say that hearing the followers are the best :) Xoxoxoxo.

    <3 Ash

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  10. oh man i feel the same exact way sometimes! love you!

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